Top 5 Strategies to Overcome Depression ~ Effective Methods for Battling Minor Episodes of Depression
If you’ve ever mourned a profound loss or suffered from depression, you understand how overwhelming it can be. People of all ages, even children, can be depressed. Fortunately, there are ways to overcome your condition!
One component of depression is a sense of hopelessness or helplessness. When you actively pursue remedies to the situations that directly contribute to your depression, you will often be able to mitigate its impact. It is important to note that depression is not always situational. Many times depression can be the result of cognitive cascades or subconscious thoughts that slowly move to the surface. Other times, depression can be the result of a chemical imbalance that may have to be corrected medically. However, in most instances, minor bouts of depression can be disrupted by using the following strategies.
Here are the top five strategies to overcome your depression and regain your life:
Talk about it. If you find yourself unable to concentrate on anything, have lost your appetite, or are over-eating, try talking to a family member or trusted friend.
Because you’re depressed, you may not be able to get the help you need alone, so enlisting someone you trust is important.
Don’t feel embarrassed to talk about it. Chances are the people you confide in will know more about depression than you think.
2. Seek professional help. Many people avoid this for what they feel are good reasons: “My insurance won’t cover it,” or, “I can’t afford it.” In today’s society, this is simply untrue.
Many insurance companies do offer compensation for depression treatment because it’s widely known as a serious medical condition. Plus, they aren’t allowed to release treatment information to your employer.
Even if you don’t have medical insurance, many mental health centers or hospitals offer treatment free or on a sliding scale based on your income so that it can be affordable. Seek out help for your depression – it’s the best thing you can do!
3. Become involved. Some people who suffer from depression find that the more they help others, the more they help themselves.
For instance, a woman who was consumed with depression went to school and became a licensed therapist. Through her sessions with people, she was able to use her own depression experience to heal others.
Volunteer at a local center for seniors or abused families. Many people in these centers tend to be depressed and working with them can give you insight on how to make yourself feel better.
4. Exercise. Surprisingly, exercise can help you feel better. The energy your body gets from yoga, walking, jogging, swimming, and fitness center exercise will help you immensely.
The endorphins released during exercise can bring relief from your depression and give you the motivation to fight it.
Enlist a friend if you don’t want to exercise alone.
5. Get a pet. Animals of all sorts have been shown to help people with depression. Caring for a pet strengthens your ability to take on responsibilities. Plus, pets are joyful and can put a smile on your face!
Even if you have allergies, there are many breeds of cats and dogs that don’t produce allergens.
Using these tips can help you fight your depression, but the most important one is to seek professional help. A good therapist can suggest more techniques to help overcome your depression. Take these tips as suggestions and add your own creative spin to best suit your needs.
No advice can replace a full examination by your doctor. Depression comes in many forms and determining a plan of treatment for your individual needs is required.
If you’re concerned about medication and side effects, there are also many homeopathic remedies available today that you can discuss with your health professional. Make a list of your concerns and share them during the exam. This way you’ll be actively involved in choosing a treatment plan.
With a good treatment plan overseen by your doctor, some support to bolster your spirits, and true determination, you can overcome your depression!
Healing Emotional Trauma!
Everyone has been hurt in relationships. Few people have the capacity to let that pain go so they can move on with their lives without the past mudding their joy. Emotional hurt can extend into emotional trauma that can be paralyzing and unrelenting. This course will provide you with the tools necessary to regain your capacity for joy and happiness, as well as possess the strength to move on!
10 Tips for Dealing With Anxiety Without Medication
Dealing with anxiety can seem overwhelming without a plan of action. In extreme situations, some people need to treat their anxiety with medication. But there are also other ways of dealing with anxiety that can be effective for most people. If left unaddressed, anxiety can become crippling, so it is imperative to confront your anxiety using efficacious methods with provable results.
Almost everyone has some anxiety, but few actively do anything to relieve our anxiety and stress. Learn how you can easily do things to help you avoid anxiety and its corresponding physiological responses and incorporate these strategies into your everyday routines.
Take these steps to feel more relaxed:
Eat breakfast. Some studies show that a substantial breakfast with high protein and fat reduces the level of anxiety experienced throughout the day. If you are one of those who skips breakfast, it might make your anxiety worse.
Eat well. Eating well means eating natural foods. Processed foods have a variety of chemicals and other artificial ingredients that affect many people in negative ways. Cleaning up your diet can profoundly impact anxiety for many people.
Take a short walk. A short walk can be a great way to clear your head and shake off some nervous energy.
Exercise daily. Daily exercise isn’t the easiest habit to instill but isn’t brutally challenging either. Exercise is an excellent way of managing anxiety without medication. An excellent anti-anxiety workout will leave you feeling like you put some work in but not exhaust you. How you get this exercise is entirely up to you.
Focus on your environment. You can’t feel anxious if you’re not thinking about something that makes you anxious. You’re inside your head when you’re anxious. Focusing on the sights and sounds around you is one way to focus on something tangible rather than your thoughts.
Notice your body’s feelings. Instead of focusing on how anxious you are, dispassionately notice the feelings you have in your body. Notice how your heart beats, your hands sweaty, and your stomach is nauseous.
Pretend you’re a scientist and investigate all of the physical sensations you’re experiencing. Stick with them until they dissipate, taking less time than you think.
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Breathe. Take some deep, relaxed breaths. Breathing in a controlled way will reign in your anxiety symptoms. It’s a great way to slow your heart rate and feel better overall. Even better is to focus on the sensation of the air moving in and out of your body, too.
Sleep. Everyone feels frazzled if they don’t get enough sleep. Getting sufficient sleep regularly is essential if you regularly feel anxious. Your brain simply doesn’t function optimally if it doesn’t get the rest it needs.
Address the issues in your life that create stress. Eliminate as many stressors as you can. Whether it’s an unreliable car, an obnoxious neighbor, a job you despise, or a big stain on your living room carpet. Stress is an additive. Those more minor stressors can add up.
Talk to someone supportive. A supportive friend is a true blessing. Knowing that you’re not alone can significantly reduce the anxiety you feel.
If your anxiety is overwhelming, see your doctor. If your anxiety is manageable but making you unhappy, there are plenty of things you can try to bring your anxious events down to a more reasonable level.
Give some of the above ideas a try. You are sure to find something that helps significantly without the cost and potential side effects of a pill. You have nothing to lose — except some anxiety!
7 Common Warning Signs of a Toxic Relationship! Could you be in a toxic relationahip that is literally draining the life out of you?
A toxic relationship can suck the life right out of you. Some people have a long history of getting into toxic relationships and staying far too long.
What exactly is a toxic relationship? Here’s one explanation from the book Toxic People (1995) by Dr. Lillian Glass:
“A toxic relationship is any relationship between people who don’t support each other, where there’s conflict, and one seeks to undermine the other, where there’s competition, where there’s disrespect and a lack of cohesiveness.”
Dr. Glass is acknowledged as the person who coined the phrase “toxic relationship; however, toxic relationships existed long before she wrote “Toxic People.” A toxic relationship is characterized by the constant presence of a draining force that consistently eats away at the peace, contentment, and joy of one of the parties in the relationship. Toxic people create toxic environments that destroy the vibrance of life and vitality of an individual. Toxicity is a force that will create a perpetual state of inanition. If you want to live your life at the height of your capacity to live, you must avoid toxic relationships at all costs. Does any of these characteristics sound familiar to you?
Consider these commonalities found in toxic relationships:
Controlling behavior
Toxic relationships often have an element of control. Does your partner always have to have everything their way?
Does he/she insist on going with you when you spend time with your friends?
Does he/he always need to be the center of attention?
Does he/she refuse to accept blame even when it’s obviously their fault?
Does your partner limit whom you’re allowed to see or when?
Distrust
Demanding to know where you are and with whom is a prime example of mistrust. Are you really going to spend time with your mother? They might just drive by to see if you’re telling the truth.
Does your partner doubt everything you say? Is your word never good enough?
Does your partner track your location with a phone app?
Does your partner quiz you to try to catch you in a lie?
Do you have to justify yourself all of the time?
Justifying your partner’s behavior
Do you have to explain away your partner’s behavior to your friends and family, even though you know deep down there’s no justification for the way your partner acts? Is your partner rude and disrespectful to you in front of your friends and family?
Physical or verbal abuse
Any abuse is unacceptable. If your partner is abusing you in any way, respect yourself enough to leave the relationship. There are no justifications for abusive behavior, and abuse must never be tolerated.
Passive-aggressive behavior
Does your partner forget to pick you up? Do they forget to water your plants while you are out of town? Do they keep shrinking your favorite clothes by over-drying them? Do you receive a lot of excuses from your partner in general?
Are you the one exhibiting passive-aggressive behavior?
Lying
This needs little explanation. Does your partner lie to you? Do you find yourself telling lies just to keep the peace? Do you lie in order to avoid spending time with your partner? For example, do you tell your partner you have to help your mother, but you actually go sit at the bookstore for a few hours?
There’s a relationship scorecard
Are you reminded on a regular basis about how you’re not pulling your own weight? Are past mistakes mentioned regularly?
Are you told you have to wash the dishes because your partner took out the trash? Are you told this even though you have a full schedule with work, and they are just watching TV?
Most people in toxic relationships know their relationships aren’t ideal, but they justify and rationalize their doubts away. Many of them would rather be in a poor relationship than no relationship at all. You will never consistently experience more than what you regularly tolerate. To be treated better, you must demand better of yourself and others who engage you. Settling is not a form of compromise; it is refusing to be your best by accepting less to avoid conflict and friction.
An emotionally healthy person views being alone as better than being in a negative relationship. A healthy relationship can be challenging to find, but it’s not an impossibility. People tend to attract people who are operating where they are operating. While you may feel you are in a good place and that you are whole and healthy, the energy you are emitting may tell an entirely different story.
If you’re in a toxic relationship, extract yourself from it or seek professional relationship counseling. You’ll be relieved to be moving on from the current relationship routines.
Suppose you are trying to heal from the emotional scars and trauma caused by a toxic relationship. In that case, I recommend you order or enroll in one of my Healing From Emotional Trauma courses.
Fix Your Mind! Stop Operating from a Broken Mindset! To Change Your Life, You Must Change Your Thinking.
Fix your mind and the rest will follow — so to speak. If you want to see different results and achieve things beyond what you have experienced in the past, you will have to change the way you think—you will have to change your mind. Now, this sounds simple enough on the surface, but why do so few accomplish it if it is so simple? The challenge is that the human mind is exponentially more complicated than most people imagine.
The decision to change because you are not happy with something usually originates in the conscious mind; however, the subconscious governs 96 percent of your behavior. So, how do you permutate your conscious desires into subconscious mental constructs executed through the subconscious mind? That is the million-dollar question.
Your subconscious mind is the culmination of years of experiences you interpret and categorize over time. The subconscious constantly consults these memories to form beliefs, make decisions, and govern habitual behavior. You are governed by the beliefs you hold at a subconscious level.
Your subconscious controls 96 percent of your life. That means that 96 percent of your life outcomes result from the redundancy of the present mindset. You cannot change your present reality without transforming your current perspective or way of thinking.
Your conscious mind controls about 3-4% percent of your reality, which is why you cannot will yourself into new results and outcomes. Belief, itself, is a construct, and like all other constructs, can be manipulated and changed through patterns of redundant engagement. I help my clients transform their limiting beliefs effectively and efficiently to produce lasting results.
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You are currently operating on the beliefs anchored by experience from your past. Your past becomes familiar as you relive it incessantly. The more you repeat the same thought driven by the same beliefs; your familiar past eventually becomes your predictable future. Most people live very predictable lives because they are operating out of a broken mindset connected to their familiar past.
By the time you reach age 35, 96 percent of who you are is a memorized set of behaviors, emotional reactions, hardwired attitudes, unconscious habits, beliefs, and perceptions that function like a computer program. Simply put, this hardwired computer system, on autopilot, guides your life.
See, our mindset is to us as water is to a fish — it is so ubiquitous it ceases to exist; it is as if we don’t even realize or recognize its presence. Yet, our mindset controls everything. Our inability to understand how our mindset controls us stops us from making the changes we must make to change our lives for the better. It prevents us from becoming who we desire to be. Your current belief system governs all aspects of your behavior, subsequently controlling your outcomes in life. This powerful reality is why positive thinking alone will not produce your desired results.
Our mindset reflects our belief system, which is so ever-present, so ingrained into the fabric of who we are and how we process and perceive data that we don’t even notice its influence. The subconscious mind produces more than 70,000 thoughts per day—most of which you are entirely unaware of on a conscious level. Yet, these thoughts are a part of who you are and influence your life.
To take your conscious desires and create the subconscious mindset necessary to make them a reality, you must learn to control and manage your analytical mind, which separates the conscious mind from the subconscious. The analytical mind consults the subconscious beliefs to determine if what the conscious mind wants is possible.
Transforming the subconscious mind begins with quieting the analytical mind, so it does not interrupt or intercept the new data you upload into the subconscious mind.
I teach my clients how to effectively manage their analytical minds to break free of old limiting beliefs to create new empowering beliefs.
The good news is that no matter how deeply ingrained those old limiting beliefs may be, you can effectively extract and replace them with more empowering beliefs. When I work with my clients in a one-on-one capacity, I walk them through quieting the analytical mind and uploading new beliefs and ideas into the subconscious.
I understand that not everybody can work with me in a one-on-one capacity, so I created Crushing Limiting Beliefs — a comprehensive course designed to help you eliminate the beliefs that have been holding you back. You have everything you need to change your life forever. Change starts here! Change starts today!
10 Tips to Successful New Year’s Resolutions! The Top 10 Things You Should Do Immediately After Making a New Year’s Resolution
As many people do this time of year, the chances are that you’re planning to make a New Year’s Resolution. Or maybe you’ve already made one. For example, you might have vowed to start writing more or get fit.
If you follow me, you know I am not big on making New Year’s resolutions. I am about measured results with proven track records. Statistically speaking, more people fail at following through with their New Year’s resolutions than succeed. I believe in building momentum before you enter into a transition phase and definitely before landing flatfooted into a new phase of life. I help people create smooth and powerful transitions through my 30-Day Transformation Course (A highly intense course designed to establish productive habits in thought, actions, and general behavior). I also offer my Rapid-Change Breakthrough Course (A one-time explosive encounter that helps to shift your paradigms completely.)
Nevertheless, for those of you who are taking the resolution route, allow me to give you some insight into what needs to be done to improve your chances of success. Your desire for change is admirable, but sometimes it isn’t easy to keep resolutions from slipping through your fingers. Most people fail to meet their New Year’s resolution because they don’t have a plan.
If you want to complete your goal, it’s essential to consider a specific action plan carefully. It’s also crucial for your success that you write down when, where, and exactly how you intend to execute this plan to reach the finish line.
These tips can help you crush your New Year’s resolution:
Pick one item at a time. Take your time and focus on your most important goal at the moment.
It’s easy to get overwhelmed when you have many things to do simultaneously, so prioritize one goal. It is okay to be ambitious, but don’t force yourself into overload. Remember, you are creating habitual shifts in thoughts and behaviors that are diametrically opposed to your current mode of operation. The magnitude of the task requires a massive amount of energy and focus.
Make your goal specific. You’re more likely to achieve your resolution if you know what it is. Identify specific behaviors and activities you will do to fulfill the dream, which can be as simple as reading more books or making time for exercise each day. Your goals cannot be ambiguous or nebulous.
Include a timeline for completion and the steps necessary to reach the goal. The greater the specificity, the higher the rate of success.
Take your time to plan. Write down the steps toward the resolution and plan out how you’re going to get there.
Organization is vital: you might want to write down which days of the week are best for completing your goal, what time of day works best for you, and what tools will help you reach success.
Start small. For example, if you want to read more books, you don’t have to start reading a novel right away. Start with one chapter at a time and keep track of how many pages and hours you read each day.
For example, if you want to walk 30 minutes each day, start by walking 5 minutes once a day and gradually build up over time. The important thing is to take consistent action.
Avoid expecting too much too quickly. You might feel tempted to make a resolution that requires you to reach a certain level of physical fitness right away, but it’s a good idea to set healthy expectations. There is nothing wrong with being ambitious with your goals as long as you know how to make adjustments when you don’t hit your milestones in the timeframe you set.
Publicize your resolution. Tell your goal to others close to you and ask them to keep you in check if they notice that you’re not sticking to the plan. Accountability is a massive component of consistent and long-term success.
Get a partner to keep you accountable. Tell your partner that you’re making a plan to stick with your resolution and ask them to hold you responsible by checking in with you regularly.
For example, if you want to write more, ask them to help you schedule your writing time into your daily routine, and if you wish to exercise, get them to join you for some extra encouragement.
Reward yourself. Rewards are an effective way to boost your morale. You might give yourself a little break once you’ve reached your resolution, or you can reward yourself with a small gift when you complete the first step in your goal. Also, acknowledge the minor progressions along the way. Celebrate the seemingly insignificant progress you make as you move toward your goal.
Learn from your past New Year’s resolution failures. Perhaps you haven’t had the best luck with resolutions in the past (You are not alone). That’s an excellent opportunity to determine what went wrong and what you can do differently this time around.
Express gratitude for completing tasks, even little ones. Appreciate all the little things along the way. If you reach a milestone in getting your resolution done, express how happy you are about that achievement.
Write down how much you enjoy the feeling of accomplishment and gratitude for doing something good for yourself.
Regardless of how difficult it is to make — and keep — a New Year’s resolution, you can accomplish it. Try to start the process before New Year’s Day. Build momentum as you move into the transition phase.
Remember to write down what you’d like to accomplish. Then, focus on a specific goal and achieve that one before going on to a new one.
With a plan in place and following these strategies, step by step, you’ll find that your New Year’s resolution isn’t so hard to stick with after all!
8 Common Habits of Unproductive People ~ Do you have any of these bad habits holding you back?
Groups of people that have similar results have similar habits. Thin people have similar habits. Overweight people have similar habits. Productive people tend to have habits of thoughts and behaviors in common. Likewise, unsuccessful people have several patterns of behavior in common, too. If you’re struggling with your productivity, this article is for you.
While we’re all capable of doing some extraordinary things from time to time, it’s the things we do each and every day that have the most significant influence on our results in life. You simply need a different set of habits if you want to be more productive.
For your best results, avoid these habits of unsuccessful people:
Failing to learn. People fail to become more productive if they fail to learn and develop. Try to be the best at what you do. Learn from each day. One of the ways I ensure that I go to bed a better person than the one who woke that morning is to find ways to ensure that I grow intentionally by learning something new. Additionally, learning new things triggers the brain and mind to expand its performance capacity.
Read a book, research articles on the internet, or watch a video on productivity tips. You’ll likely learn something that will help you to be more productive. Even in reviewing old material, you will find something you missed the first time around.
Productive people are constantly learning things that will allow them to be more productive and effective in their endeavors.
Giving in to distractions. We have more distractions than ever before. There are a lot of distractions that are far more interesting than anything you need to do. If it does not add measurable value, stay away from it. You have 86,400 seconds in each day. How you use those seconds will literally determine your destinty.
Focus on what you’re supposed to be doing.
Remove as many distractions from the area as possible—decrease clutter in your workspace and your mind.
Plan time to engage in your distractions. It’s easier to avoid distractions if you know that you can engage in them later. It is about prioritizing your day to ensure what matters most gets attention first.
A lack of emphasis on taking action. Unproductive people often like to plan and learn. Some people love the strategic side of things. However, these same people have a lot less interest in taking action. Planning has its place. Learning is great. Eventually, though, things have to get done if productivity is essential (and it is). You not only have to be active but proactive. Planning and strategizing mean absolutely nothing without practical and consistent application.
Failing to make a plan for the day. Unproductive people often don’t know what to do. They don’t have a clear vision or strategy for moving through their day. So, they become mentally bogged down and become increasingly frustrated as the day progresses. Have a plan for the day, the week, or even just the next few hours. Make a plan and follow it until you’re done! Having a solid workable plan will reduce empty motion and wasted time.
Majoring in minor things. Many productive people are quite busy and even look engaged to others. But, being busy and being productive isn’t the same thing.
Focus on the most effective course of action.
Avoid activities that don’t provide significant results for the amount of time required.
Giving up. You can’t be productive if you give up too soon. Productivity is about what you do, how well you do it, how fast you do it, and how much time you spend doing it. You can’t get a lot done if you don’t put in the time. Finish the task at hand as quickly as possible at the highest possible quality level.
Worrying. It’s okay to have concerns and then address those concerns. However, worrying is an unproductive habit. It wastes time and makes you less effective. Studies reveal that 40-60 percent of what we worry about never happens. Plus, worrying about things that you have no power to impact accomplishes nothing. If you can change it, focus on changing it and abandon the propensity to worry.
Consider the positive things you’ve accomplished by worrying. Write them all down. How many did you identify? Not many, if any at all.
Procrastination. You can’t get anything accomplished if you never even get started. Procrastination is a productivity killer. I often tell my clients that procrastination is the thief of time. I also believe that procrastination is a form of arrogance that is disrespectful to time—putting off things you can do today while postulating that tomorrow will offer the same opportunity to complete those tasks.
If you must procrastinate, at least use the time to do something else that’s productive. Going for a run is a better way of procrastinating than eating a hot fudge sundae. I personally prefer getting the tasks done—no excuses!
We all have the same amount of time each day. The most productive people are also the most successful. If you have big goals and are effective in working toward those goals, you’re going to be a highly successful person.
Eliminate the habits that reduce your productivity, and you’ll be in the best position to start getting more things done. You’ll be surprised by how much you can accomplish!
I Want to help you breakthrough the barriers that are holding you back. Enroll in the Rapid-Change Breakthrough program and let’s make it happen.
How to Achieve Closure and Take Back Control of Your Life After a Breakup!
If you want to know how to achieve closure after a breakup, the following information will be helpful. Are you searching for closure? It’s natural to want some explanation when a relationship ends or you experience a similar loss. Social psychologists describe it as gaining the resolution necessary to take back control and move on.
Achieving what most refer to as closure has become more elusive in recent years. The same technology that helps you find romance online makes it easier to break someone’s heart. Your love interest may say goodbye with a text or change their relationship status to single on Facebook without any warning. Technology has made it easier to connect with developing the interpersonal skills necessary to build healthy relationships.
Hopefully, your relationships will run more smoothly, but even amicable breakups can be upsetting. Let’s discuss closure at a level where we at least have a limited perspicacity and the best way to achieve it.
In psychology, closure usually refers to situations where an event occurs without explanation, leaving unanswered questions. These unanswered questions can haunt and plague an individual. When a person says they need closure, they are looking for the final pieces to the puzzle in their mind that help it make sense. Say, for instance, you are dating someone, and without warning, they change their relationship status online and refuse to take your calls. While this seems cruel, it does happen. Not everyone is a great communicator, and some people avoid antinomy at all costs.
For some people, the inability to put those final pieces of the puzzle together can cause psychological and emotional distress. While closure, in its purest definition, is not always possible, there are some steps that you can use to gain closure in many instances.
How to Achieve Closure ~ Asking Others for Closure:
Clarify your motives. Be honest with yourself. Are you trying to end your relationship constructively or hoping that you’ll get back together? Having realistic expectations could protect you from additional distress. Is it closure you are looking for or an opening to salvage what is lost? Being honest with yourself and any other party involved is the first step to achieving closure.
Keep it simple. Dwelling on the past interferes with your future happiness. Cover the most critical issues and then shift your attention to enjoying the rest of your life. This approach may sound cold, but dwelling on things outside of your control usually leads to stress, worry, anxiety, anger, and other negative emotions that only slow the process of healing.
Take responsibility. You might be tempted to blame your ex for your situation, but you’re still in charge of how you react. Acknowledge your own shortcomings and apologize if appropriate. Because your emotions will likely be high during this time, there will be a propensity to be defensive and shift blame. Be honest with yourself and take responsibility for your role. Even if the other person has done something wrong, dwelling on it will not change it, and you can’t force them to acknowledge it. Keep in mind that proving that you are right has no bearing on the outcome.
Stay positive. What do you like about your ex and the time you spent together? Let them know if you’re thankful for their kindness. Try to forgive each other for any disappointments. Unfortunately, relationships end—sometimes for seemingly no reason at all. Do your best to make sense of it and move on into the healing process.
Write a letter. Pouring your feelings out in writing may help, especially if you reflect on what you can learn from the experience. Reread the letter when you’re calm, so you can decide whether to send it or burn it. Be very careful if you choose this step. Words can easily be misinterpreted—especially while emotions are running high. You will not be there to confirm if they misinterpret a sentence or the entire letter when addressing your feelings in writing.
Meet for coffee. If you feel strong enough, you may prefer to talk face-to-face. Arrange a coffee date or a lunchtime walk so that you can make a quick exit without any awkwardness. Setting a meeting in an environment where it is natural to be in and out makes it easy to leave if things become too intense.
Creating Closure for Yourself:
Slow down. Sometimes the desire for closure is so strong that you might jump to hasty conclusions about your ex and yourself. Give yourself time to sort through your memories and discover their meaning. After things have calmed down, a moment of reflection may reveal all you need to secure closure. Not everyone will be willing to offer you closure. You will have to create closure yourself.
Avoid contact. Maybe you’ll wind up being friends, but most couples need to distance themselves when they first break up. Resist the urge to call your ex and stay off their social media pages. Put away photographs and other reminders lying around your home and office. Taking these steps will create the time you need to initiate the healing process.
Practice self-care. Protecting your physical and mental wellbeing will help you to make sound decisions. Eat a healthy diet, exercise regularly, and get 7 to 8 hours of sleep each night. Spend time each day hanging out with family and friends and doing activities you love.
Start a journal. Recording your daily thoughts and activities can help you deal with stress too. You’ll be able to spot recurring patterns and see where you’re making progress. To stay on track, try writing at the same time each day, like first thing in the morning or before bed. I normally instruct my clients to do both.
Be flexible. Life is full of sudden changes. Learning to adapt increases your chances for success. Set new goals and let go of regrets. Cultivate your curiosity. Your healing process is a great opportunity to expand how you experience life. Break the monotony by trying new things and developing new interests.
Consider counseling. Talking with a therapist could help if you’ve tried to recover from your breakup or loss, but you’re still struggling. A caring professional can help you see your options more objectively and support you while you navigate through a difficult time. While this option is one of the most underused, it is one of the most efficacious processes available.
Remember that you are worthy of love and respect. It may take time and effort to heal from a past relationship or loss, but you can attain closure with or without cooperation from your ex. The sooner you resolve your feelings, the sooner you’ll be ready to move on.
Whether you are looking for closure or you are struggling with a bout of depression, seeking direct intervention through 1-on-1 engagement with an expert can provide relief and empowerment. If you would like to schedule a virtual consultation with Dr. Wallace, email LifeChange@rickwallacephd.link or check learn more here!
Dr. Wallace is also a powerful and electrifying public speaker, who speaks to numerous types and sizes of audiences, on a number of different subjects. He also functions as a personal life enhancement advisor and counselor.
As the Founder and CEO of The Visionetics Institute, Dr. Wallace uses a wide range of disciplines, including psycho-cybernetics, neuro-linguistic programming, psychology, neuro-associative conditioning, embodied cognitive conditioning, and transformational vocabulary to help people raise the level of their performance in every area of their lives, including finance, marriage, business, parenting and more.
Get your signed copy of Dr. Wallace’s 20th book, Critical Mass: The Phenomenon of Next-Level Living
7 Ideas to Enhance Communication with Your Partner
Enhance communication with your partner. Relationships are often easy to manage in the beginning. The anticipation, newness, fun, and passion are all the fuel a new connection needs to power it forward. However, these things tend to wane over time. The relationship requires more than the things that fueled the initial attraction — especially if the interest is heavily driven by pulchritude. Without growth and marked progression, relationships tend to grow stale.
Communication becomes a crucial part of every relationship. Communication maintains and builds closeness. It also helps to avoid many of the misunderstandings and avoidable drama that plague many relationships. Without effective communication, it is virtually impossible to develop mutual expectations or to formulate and express how you feel with clarity.
If the communication with your partner is poor, it’s only a matter of time before the relationship suffers dramatically. The best time to enhance communication with your partner is before you need it. Attempting to develop communication skills in the heat of battle or during turbulent times is often a cyclopean endeavor that proves too much for most.
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Merging Souls: Healing, Hope & Restoration in Modern Marriage
Use these strategies to enhance communication with your partner:
Ask more questions. Questions are a powerful communication tool. They accomplish so much with so little effort.
Questions show interest. By asking a question, you’re implying that you care. People like it when you demonstrate that you care. Asking questions also invites the other party to be open and communicate what they are feeling without feeling like they are imposing or pushy.
Questions help to remove confusion and ambiguity. Rather than make assumptions and potentially create a more significant issue, ask a question and verify what is happening. There seems to be a natural human proclivity to make assumptions. Unfortunately, we tend to interpret and evaluate things based on our personal perspectives without considering the variations in background, personal experience, and more when making postulations. Instead of postulating what your partner is feeling, ask.
Questions aren’t a lot of work. Just ask the question, be quiet, and listen. You can be quite the skilled conversationalist just by asking a couple of good questions. Asking good questions can make all of your relationships more rewarding. As a therapist and coach, my sessions with my clients are guided by the questions I ask. Much of what I get my clients to see is done by formulating the right questions and allowing them to figure out the solution.
Listen. Half of communication is listening. When it’s your partner’s turn to talk, listen. Most people don’t really listen. All they want to do is speak. You would be surprised at how often people listen only to prepare their responses. Listening is often viewed as simply waiting for another opportunity to talk, but this is a huge mistake. People are well aware whether you’re listening or just biding your time. One of the quickest ways to turn a relationship sour is to convince your mate that you are not listening to them. The feeling of being ignored can turn even the most likable person cold.
Communicate your needs. Don’t make it difficult for your partner to know what you need from them. Tell them! There’s no reason to make it a secret. Your mate is not a mindreader. Make it easy for them to help you and contribute to your joy. I don’t believe in making other people responsible for your happiness, but a good mate will definitely contribute to it in the right situation.
Communicating your needs is one of the best things you can do for yourself and your relationship. One of the greatest disruptors of relationships is unmet expectations. Don’t you think it is a bit difficult to meet expectations that haven’t been clearly communicated? It is hard to accomplish something you aren’t even aware that you are supposed to do.
Spend more time together. It’s important to share some of the same experiences. It helps you to learn more about each other and gives you something to discuss. Shared experiences provide the opportunity for better bonding. What are some things that you both like to do? Find common ground as much as you can. The more you find yourself on common ground, the deeper the bond you will develop.
Avoid assumptions. Assumptions unnecessarily create additional challenges in all relationships. It’s easier to be 100% certain than to guess. Assumptions lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings. If you’re not sure about something, ask.
Address the situation rather than attack your partner. If your partner is doing something you don’t like, address what they are doing. This approach is much more effective than attacking your partner. No one wants to be attacked. It shuts down communication and creates animosity. Learn how to separate the action from the person. Always address the action rather than take an accusatory tone with your partner.
Have fun together. Do fun activities that you both love. Do things together that are enjoyable. Communication is easier when everyone is having a good time. The more you enjoy someone’s company, the more you let your guard down and the less defensive you are. You’ll like each other more if you can have fun with each other. If all the time you spend together is miserable, your relationship and your communication will suffer.
Better communication with our partners is something that we know we need, but it’s not always obvious how to accomplish it. Relationships require work. If you are willing to invest the time, energy, and effort necessary to become a better communicator, you will build strong, lasting relationships.
Fortunately, the basics are easy to accomplish. Spend more meaningful time together, focus on being an excellent listener, and communicate your needs. These simple steps can enhance your relationship significantly.
A meaningful relationship is worth the effort. Make your communication with your partner a priority. We live in a world that is speeding up each day. It is easy for people to feel lost, alone, and unheard. When you communicate with your mate, you let them know they have a voice and that they matter.
How to Stop Procrastinating ~ Overcoming the Habit of Delaying Important Tasks
by Content Staff | Courtesy of Mindtools | Commentary and Editing by Rick Wallace, Ph.D., Psy.D.
Do you want to learn how to stop procrastinating? I often say procrastination is the thief of time but is also the thief of opportunity. Procrastination represents a type of arrogance that assumes that God/life owes you a second chance tomorrow to do what should have been done today. The windows of opportunity close — they are not forever!
There is a common phrase that says, “what’s for me is for me!” You have to be very careful with that statement because what’s for you is for you if you actively seize it. Nothing is guaranteed. Inactivity offers nothing but emptiness and frustrated hopes.
Are you a procrastinator? If you want more out of life, you will have to conquer the curse of procrastination. The good news is that you can do it.
It’s Friday afternoon and the clock is ticking. You’re working furiously to complete a task before the five o’clock deadline, while silently cursing yourself for not starting it sooner.
How did this happen? What went wrong? Why did you lose your focus?
Well, there were the hours that you spent re-reading emails and checking social media, the excessive “preparation,” the coffee breaks, and the time spent on other tasks that you could have safely left for next week.
Sound familiar? If so, you’re not alone!
Procrastination is a trap that many of us fall into. In fact, according to researcher and speaker Piers Steel , 95 percent of us procrastinate to some degree. While it may be comforting to know that you’re not alone, it can be sobering to realize just how much it can hold you back.
In this article and video, we look at why it happens, and we explore strategies for managing and prioritizing your workload more effectively.https://www.youtube.com/embed/TLsxJQ1Dn2Q?wmode=transparent
Procrastination is often confused with laziness, but they are very different.
Procrastination is an active process – you choose to do something else instead of the task that you know you should be doing. In contrast, laziness suggests apathy, inactivity and an unwillingness to act.
Procrastination usually involves ignoring an unpleasant, but likely more important task, in favor of one that is more enjoyable or easier.
But giving in to this impulse can have serious consequences. For example, even minor episodes of procrastination can make us feel guilty or ashamed. It can lead to reduced productivity and cause us to miss out on achieving our goals.
If we procrastinate over a long period of time, we can become demotivated and disillusioned with our work, which can lead to depression and even job loss, in extreme cases.
Sign up for the Breaking the Curse of Procrastination Extended 10-Week Course
As with most habits , it is possible to overcome procrastination. Follow the steps below to help you to deal with and prevent procrastination:
Step 1: Recognize That You’re Procrastinating
You might be putting off a task because you’ve had to re-prioritize your workload. If you’re briefly delaying an important task for a genuinely good reason, then you aren’t necessarily procrastinating. However, if you start to put things off indefinitely, or switch focus because you want to avoid doing something, then you probably are.
You may also be procrastinating if you:
Fill your day with low-priority tasks.
Leave an item on your To-Do list for a long time, even though it’s important.
Read emails several times over without making a decision on what to do with them.
Start a high-priority task and then go off to make a coffee.
Fill your time with unimportant tasks that other people ask you to do, instead of getting on with the important tasks already on your list.
Wait to be in “right mood,” or wait for the “right time” to tackle a task.
You need to understand the reasons why you are procrastinating before you can begin to tackle it.
For instance, are you avoiding a particular task because you find it boring or unpleasant? If so, take steps to get it out of the way quickly, so that you can focus on the aspects of your job that you find more enjoyable.
Poor organization can lead to procrastination. Organized people successfully overcome it because they use prioritized To-Do Lists and create effective schedules . These tools help you to organize your tasks by priority and deadline.
Even if you’re organized, you can still feel overwhelmed by a task. Perhaps you have doubts about your ability and are worried about failing , so you put it off and seek comfort in doing work that you know that you’re capable of completing.
Some people fear success as much as failure. They think that success will lead to them being swamped with requests to take on more tasks.
Surprisingly, perfectionists are often procrastinators. Often, they’d rather avoid doing a task that they don’t feel they have the skills to do than do it imperfectly.
Another major cause of procrastination is poor decision-making. If you can’t decide what to do, you’ll likely put off taking action in case you do the wrong thing.
Warning:
For some people, procrastination is more than a bad habit; it’s a sign of a serious underlying health issue. For example, ADHD , OCD , anxiety, and depression are associated with procrastination.
Also, research suggests that procrastination can be a cause of serious stress and illness. So, if you suffer from chronic or debilitating procrastination, one of these conditions could be to blame, and you should seek the advice of a trained professional.
Step 3: Adopt Anti-Procrastination Strategies
Procrastination is a habit – a deeply ingrained pattern of behavior. This means that you probably can’t break it overnight. Habits only stop being habits when you avoid practicing them, so try as many of the strategies, below, as possible to give yourself the best possible chance of succeeding.
Forgive yourself for procrastinating in the past.Studies show that self-forgiveness can help you to feel more positive about yourself and reduce the likelihood of procrastination in the future.
Commit to the task. Focus on doing, not avoiding. Write down the tasks that you need to complete, and specify a time for doing them. This will help you to proactively tackle your work.
Promise yourself a reward. If you complete a difficult task on time, reward yourself with a treat, such as a slice of cake or a coffee from your favorite coffee shop. And make sure you notice how good it feels to finish things!
Ask someone to check up on you. Peer pressure works! This is the principle behind self-help groups. If you don’t have anyone to ask, an online tool such as Procraster can help you to self-monitor.
Act as you go. Tackle tasks as soon as they arise, rather than letting them build up over another day.
Rephrase your internal dialog. The phrases “need to” and “have to,” for example, imply that you have no choice in what you do. This can make you feel disempowered and might even result in self-sabotage . However, saying, “I choose to,” implies that you own a project, and can make you feel more in control of your workload.
Minimize distractions. Turn off your email and social media, and avoid sitting anywhere near a television while you work!
Aim to “eat an elephant beetle” first thing, every day! Get those tasks that you find least pleasant out of the way early. This will give you the rest of the day to concentrate on work that you find more enjoyable.
Tip:
An alternative approach is to embrace “the art of delay.” Research shows that “active procrastination” – that is, deliberately delaying getting started on something so you can focus on other urgent tasks – can make you feel more challenged and motivated to get things done. This strategy can work particularly well if you are someone who thrives under pressure.
However, if you do decide to actively procrastinate, be sure to avoid putting your co-workers under any unnecessary, unpleasant and unwanted pressure!
If you’re procrastinating because you find a task unpleasant, try to focus on the “long game.” Research shows that impulsive people are more likely to procrastinate because they are focused on short-term gain. Combat this by identifying the long-term benefits of completing the task. For instance, could it affect your annual performance review or end-of-year bonus?
Another way to make a task more enjoyable is to identify the unpleasant consequences of avoiding it. For instance, what will happen if you don’t complete the work? How might it affect your personal, team or organizational goals?
At the same time, it can be useful to reframe the task by looking at its meaning and relevance . This will increase its value to you and make your work more worthwhile. It’s also important to acknowledge that we can often overestimate the unpleasantness of a task. So give it a try! You may find that it’s not as bad as you thought, after all!
If you procrastinate because you’re disorganized, here are six strategies to help you get organized:
Keep a To-Do List. This will prevent you from “conveniently” forgetting about those unpleasant or overwhelming tasks.
Prioritize your To-Do List using Eisenhower’s Urgent/Important Principle . This will enable you to quickly identify the activities that you should focus on, as well as the ones you can ignore.
Become a master of scheduling and project planning. If you have a big project or multiple projects on the go and you don’t know where to start, these tools can help you to plan your time effectively, and reduce your stress levels.
Tackle the hardest tasks at your peak times . Do you work better in the morning or the afternoon? Identify when you’re most effective, and do the tasks that you find most difficult at these times.
Set yourself time-bound goals . Setting yourself specific deadlines to complete tasks will keep you on track to achieve your goals, and will mean that you have no time for procrastination!
Use task- and time-management apps. There are numerous apps designed to help you to be more organized, such as Trello and Toggl, for example.
If you’re prone to delaying projects because you find them overwhelming, try breaking them down into more manageable chunks. Organize your projects into smaller tasks and focus on starting them, rather than on finishing them.
In his 2011 book, “The Procrastination Cure ,” Jeffery Combs suggests tackling tasks in 15-minute bursts of activity. Alternatively, you can create an Action Plan to organize your project. Start with quick and small tasks first. These “small wins” will give you a sense of achievement, and will make you feel more positive and less overwhelmed by the larger project or goal that you are working towards.
Finally, if you think that you are putting something off because you can’t decide what action to take or you find it hard to make decisions, take a look at our range of decision-making tools to help you to develop your decision-making skills.
Sign up for the Breaking the Curse of Procrastinatin Extended 10-Week Course
Procrastination is the habit of delaying an important task, usually by focusing on less urgent, more enjoyable, and easier activities instead. It is different from laziness, which is the unwillingness to act.
Procrastination can restrict your potential and undermine your career. It can also disrupt teamwork, reduce morale, and even lead to depression and job loss. So, it’s crucial to take proactive steps to prevent it.
The first step to overcoming procrastination is to recognize that you’re doing it. Then, identify the reasons behind your behavior and use appropriate strategies to manage and overcome it.
9 Signs of Low Self-Esteem and Strategies for Fixing Them
Following, you will find 9 signs of low self-esteem and some simple strategies for overcoming low self-esteem. Low self-esteem is practically an epidemic. We’re bombarded with images of impossible success and beauty on a daily basis. It’s hard to avoid making comparisons, and those comparisons never seem to work out in our favor. These unrealistic images that we place such gravity on have this impact because we lack the awareness of a healthy self-concept. Simply put, when you are genuinely cognizant of who you are in the world, you will not get caught in the trap of comparing yourself to others.
Add to that a few mean comments received in childhood, a workplace bully, and a few extra pounds, and your self-esteem can plummet. Social media has served to exacerbate the problem of collective low self-esteem. In a world where everyone is constantly presenting a weighted version of themselves that conveniently omits the struggles, setbacks, hidden battles, it can be easy for those reading these posts to become disenfranchised with their reality.
Fortunately, there is a way to recognize when your self-esteem has taken a hit — putting yourself in a situation to reverse the effects and develop a healthy and effective self-esteem.
Recognize the signs of low self-esteem:
Difficulty accepting compliments. If you have a hard time hearing someone say something nice about you, you might be suffering from low self-esteem. Most people enjoy receiving a genuine compliment, but those with a low opinion of themselves feel very uncomfortable being on the receiving end of praise.
The difficulty in accepting praise is the result of conflicting ideas. If you have a low opinion of yourself, the idea of someone thinking highly of you will conflict with that belief creating what is known as cognitive dissonance — mental discomfort. One of the most powerful weapons against the aversion to compliments is to change your self-talk. When you change the way you speak about yourself, it will reprogram your subconscious to see you in a different light, making it easier to accept compliments and embrace them.
Start by giving yourself compliments in the mirror. Keep doing this each day until the discomfort is greatly diminished. It is about repetition, not comfort. It will not be comfortable at first, but you must continue to do it daily.
Next, ask people if they like your shoes, new haircut, or your brand-new gas grill. People will almost always say they do. Enjoy the compliments. Using this methodology is a simple but effective way to solicit positive compliments.
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Overly sensitive to criticism. On the other hand, those with low self-esteem can’t handle criticism either. They tend to overreact and to take criticism too personally.
Even constructive criticism isn’t received positively. Do you bristle when someone offers a helpful suggestion for improvement? If so, your lack of self-esteem might be the reason. It would be best if you learned to see constructive criticism as an instrument of growth.
Ask someone for advice about how you could improve how you currently do something. Then, thank them for it and make good use of their feedback. Constructive criticism is simply feedback to be used for the purpose of intentional growth.
Fear of failure. Low self-esteem and avoidance are commonly found together. Those with low self-esteem expect to fail, and who is going to try to do something if they expect failure? Failure is inevitable at a foundational level. The idea is not to avoid failure but to learn from it. Those who are successful in the world are the ones who are able to take away key learning points from their failures. You will not successfully circumvent the challenges and vicissitudes in this life, leading to setbacks, disappointments, and delays. Your focus must be on how you will grow through them.
Do things that will likely result in failure and realize that it isn’t so bad. Apply for jobs you have little hope of landing. Ask a stranger out for coffee. The goal is not to become content with failure but to mitigate the aversion to it that paralyzes you.
People-pleasing behavior. While compliments are hard to handle, who doesn’t like the gratitude of others? When people show appreciation to someone with low self-esteem, that appreciation is soaked up like a dry sponge soaks up water. People-pleasing is done to feel a sense of value and worth. One of the problems of being a people-pleaser is that you are more at risk of being manipulated and exploited. You will also tend to lose yourself in other people’s worlds while losing your own sense of self.
Do what needs to be done without trying so hard to make others happy. Do something that makes YOU happy.
That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t consider the negative impact your words or actions can have on other people.
Difficulty prioritizing your own needs. When you think you don’t matter, you put everyone else above and ahead of yourself. If you’re regularly getting the short end of the stick, ask yourself why you continue to allow it to happen.
Put yourself first for a change. That doesn’t mean you have to take advantage of anyone. Think about what would be best for you and your life and give that a try for a while.
A lack of boundaries. People with high self-esteem have boundaries that they enforce religiously but calmly. If people are walking all over you and disregard any boundaries you attempt to enforce; your self-esteem might need a little work. A person with healthy self-esteem knows where to draw the line and will consistently enforce those boundaries.
Begin by saying “no” more often. Prioritize your time and your life by turning down requests that don’t fit in with your plans or are too burdensome.
Critical self-talk. Do you speak kindly to yourself, or are you hard on yourself? People with a healthy level of self-esteem tend to be kind and encouraging to themselves. Those with low self-esteem tend to be much more critical.
Monitor your self-talk and stop yourself when you speak poorly to yourself. Compliment yourself each time you catch yourself being negative toward yourself. This approach is not about being dishonest in your self-assessments but being more positive in how you approach and speak about them.
Underachieving. Does everyone consider you to be an underachiever? Being an underachiever is another sign that you likely don’t value yourself as much as you should.
Seek to improve some part of your life each day, even if it’s only in a small way. The goal is to ensure that you take action every day, no matter how seemingly insignificant that action may seem.
Difficulty giving an opinion even when asked. When your self-esteem is low, you think that your opinions don’t matter. You also want to avoid having your opinions judged by others, so you keep them to yourself.
Give your opinion whenever asked. See what happens. No matter what, there will always be those who disagree with you, or fail to see the value in your contribution. You cannot allow your efforts to be abated by the opinions of others.
Low self-esteem is common, but that doesn’t mean it’s normal. Recognize the signs of low self-esteem in yourself and your children and do something about it. Low self-esteem is extremely limiting.
Raising self-esteem is a great gift to give yourself and the ones you love.
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